How to leave a negative relationship? ~ Strategies For Leaving A Negative Relationship

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Question: I am splitting up with someone whom I thought was my soul mate. As it turns out, I’ve developed a codependent relationship with someone who has yet to learn how to be a man. It will take a few months for us to make the split physically. Are there specific strategies to maintain stability and peace while we go through this?

It is never too soon to think about relationships. More importantly it is never too soon to intellectualize relationships. What I mean by this is that most of us did not think about relationships in an intellectual way when we were young. As a result many of us made poor choices in relationships and suffered as a consequence. This is why I teach younger people to ask critical questions such as:
1. What type of a relationship do I want to be in?
2. What type of a person do I want to be in a relationship with?
3. What type of a person do I need to be so that I can offer something of value to a relationship?

Being in a relationship is not as important as being prepared for one. The preparation process is the most important aspect of a relationship. Some people who struggle in relationship are struggling because they were not prepared for the relationship that they are in. In some cases people struggle in relationships because they do not know what type of a relationship they truly want. The question that we should also ask is: What do I need to do so that I will be prepared for a positive relationship?

In my experience I have found the positive relationships are all about the preparation. I have a saying, “It is better to be prepared for a relationship than to be in one?” If you are in a relationship and you are not prepared for a relationship then the relationship will fail. This is why preparation is key. If you prepare for a relationship prior to getting in one then your relationship will be successful. One may ask, “What if my partner is not prepared?” Part of your own preparation process is to determine whether or not your prospective partner is prepared for a positive relationship prior to you committing to being in a relationship with them. If you are prepared for a positive relationship then you will have the knowledge-base needed to make the best choice in regards to a prospective mate. In other words, “You will not settle for someone who is not prepared for a positive relationship.”

If you become greater every single day you will not have to worry about materializing a relationship. It will happen naturally. If you are becoming greater by working on the thoughts that you keep, the words that you speak, and the actions that you take then you will become more prepared for a positive relationship.

Many people go on this quest to attract or to find a mate. What I have learned is that it is much more beneficial to develop within you a gravitational pull. This gravitational pull is the result of personal refinement. This gravitational pull is something within you that will compel goodness to come towards you. This gravitational pull will compel a positive relationship to come to you. This gravitational pull will compel an honorable woman to come to you. For women this gravitational pull will compel an honorable man to come to her. This force within you is called “Internal Gravity” and through refining yourself, and through working on yourself, you will increase the power of your internal gravity. And then, as your internal gravity becomes greater other beings will have no recourse but to come into your gravitational field. Once in your gravitational field you will have many options in terms of choosing a woman to be in a relationship with. You can then choose the woman that is the best option for you to experience a positive relationship. This is why there is no need to pursue a relationship. It is all about pursuing the greater you.

Tags: Relationship Advice, Relationship tips, Positive Relationships, The pursuit of a mate, Lenon Honor, Ayida Honor, Negative Racial Stereotypes, Black Men, Black women, Umar Johnson, Dr Phil Valentine, Amos Wilson, Francis Cress Welsing, Queen Afua, Djehuty Maat Ra, Taj Tarik Bey, Hidden Colors, conscious hip hop, Doctah B Sirius, Urban Kryptonite, Tarik Nasheed, Booker T. Coleman, Michelle Alexander, Tony Browder, Claud Anderson, Runoko Rashidi, James Small


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  • gray matter

    Male and female. Are they just states of mind? Is it bigoted and backward thinking to assert that these are real, fundamentally different biological distinctions as well as different states of mind? Or are we to believe that these are just false, biased, and oppressive labels that should be banished–especially when hormones and surgeries can appear to blur these differences, at least superficially? 

  • wise woman

    One of the most valuable points you covered in this video is the value of spending some time alone after a break-up to assess the lessons and the gifts of the relationship. So many times it can be tempting to rush into the arms of another partner, but the healing never gets done that way. The alone time is a very valuable part of the healing process and is really essential. People often do not take this time for themselves and I am convinced it is one of the main reasons that these relationship errors keep getting repeated. Buddhist nun Pema Chodron has a quote that says, “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” I have found this to be true in my life experience. Also, the Universe is patient–it literally has an eternity where time is concerned, so however long a person thinks they can avoid their healing process, the issues will still be there until the person takes the responsibility to address them. Their relationships will keep getting more and more painful, with more and more at stake until these lessons are embraced.

  • Shirley Clicquot

    Wow! what a wonderful lecture….I don’t know how I ran into this lecture and others I’ve listen to, but I am sure glad that I did! I had to subscribe to your channel 2 thumbs up!!! Perpetual blessings to your Queen/family!

  • Ravi Ranjan

    I want to live my own life but I can’t move on from my past…. she always come in my mind all the time…. always…I can’t forget her. she is tired but I still crying for her from last two years. I can’t move on …. I try still I can’t;( 😭

  • Mike Eagle

    Lenon im the man in the relationship, im the one decided I couldnt do this anymore, she threatened suicide once in the first six months of being together, I dont why but all this things I just glossed over, im beginning to see now, she no longer lives with me, is it normal that im going to feel some pain, even though im the one that decided to break it off after six years, somehow im beating myself up for this, the whole relationship started off with her not having a place to live and being the White Knight, now it feels really rough being alone after six years, but I just couldn’t do it anymore

  • Ismael J. S. Iraola

    Lenon thank you. You just reminded me what I have to do. Continue with your excellent work and trust me you are helping life’s.

  • EFP

    Whew!!! A healthy relationship make a good marriage .. not a good marriage makes a healthy relationship .. you two are one of my favorite couple . Lenon man you are so easy to listen to.. god bless..

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