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Many people can relate to being in a toxic and negative relationship. My wife and I have both experienced negative relationships. The challenge for many of us is that we may want to experience something better but we do not know how to move forward and experience a positive relationship. Even if you have been in negative relationships it does not mean that you will have to have the same experience for the rest of your life.
My wife and I have been in a positive relationship for 14 years and we have 5 children. Early on in the relationship we had issues with communication but we worked through those issues and were able to establish a positive relationship. Healthy communication is one of the most important things to have in a relationship.
My wife and I do not argue or fight with each other. People have told us that not arguing is abnormal. The problem is that society tends to set a low standard for male/female relationships. People tend to set a low standard in terms of how men and women are to interact in relationships. In such cases, arguing becomes an acceptable behavior pattern which ultimately toxifies the relationship.
My wife and I do our best to enjoy each other. So much of my own childhood was painful and the notion that I have to continue to suffer in my adulthood is unreasonable. Many people waste time arguing which brings more negativity into the relationship and their children suffer as a consequence.
Many times the negativity that is present in a toxic relationship expresses itself in cheating or infidelity. When a man or woman cheats on their partner they not only betray their partner they also betray their children. Not only do they harm their partner, they also harm their children. This again is an issue of low standards which is something that many women accept in terms of male behavior. When low standards are set, the relationship will become toxic. Many people stay in toxic and negative relationships for far too long and suffer. The question that a person should ask is, “Why am I in this toxic relationship?” Another question that a person should ask is, “Why am I staying in this toxic relationship?”
Based on our own experiences of being in negative and toxic relationships we encourage people to think about what type of person they want to be in a relationship with and the type of relationship that they want to experience with that person. It will also be important to think about what type of person you need to become in order to have something of value to offer to a relationship.
Before my wife and I met we were on the path of refining ourselves so that we had something of value to offer to each other once we met. When we met I was 25 years old and my wife was 21 and we had to learn and grow together. We set an appropriate foundation for our relationship by asking critical questions about our each other. We each researched each other which gave us the information that we needed to make the appropriate choice.
Many negative relationships are the result of a lack of information. We live in an information age and the accumulation of information should be applied to relationships. We should all get as much information as possible about a prospective partner prior to entering into a relationship with them. When “relationship info” is not obtained people make uneducated decisions about who they decide to be in relationships with. Researching, asking the appropriate questions, and acquiring the right type of information sets an appropriate foundation for a positive relationship. Communication is key.
The other thing is that people assume that getting married guarantees a positive relationship. I have a saying, “Marriage does not guarantee a positive relationship but a positive relationship will guarantee a happy marriage.”
If you are woman and you are in a negative relationship it will be important for you to think about yourself and ask the questions, “Do I deserve to be happy?” If you are in a relationship with someone who is toxic, who presents a lot of challenges, whose behavior makes it difficult for you to be happy, or someone who you are not compatible with, then consider what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone who you are compatible with.
If you are a man understand that you cannot prepare for a positive relationship while holding on to a negative relationship. We tend to hold on to negative relationships for too long. We tend to be loyal to those who bring us suffering and pain. This is a self-esteem issue and a self-value issue. All relationships are based upon the value that you place upon yourself. So if you are in a negative relationship the first question that you should ask is, “How do I value myself?”